I thought this was an intersting read from mommasaid.net.

I like what she says about "seasons".

Is There a 10-12-Year Marriage Blah?by Erin Brown Conroy, MA

First in a two-part series

"My best friend and I have both been married for 12 years. I have 3 boys and she has 2 boys and 2 girls. We both frequently talk about the 10 to 12 year blahs that we and several other women have admitted to having in our marriages. It seems to us that there are more women ages 30 to 35 that aren't really 'happy' with their current situations. We thought we were the only ones who felt this way, but the more we have talked to other women we are close to, it seems we aren't the only ones. Is there a 10- to 12-year marriage blah? Do we as women really want more for ourselves? Are we the only ones that can't stand our husbands most days? Are we just coasting through this phase in our lives until our children are grown? Will it get better the older our children get? Will we ever feel that nervous excited feeling in our marriages again?"
These are great questions. And if we're truly honest, most moms have to admit that we ask these questions (in some form) at one time or another. So let's look at each of the questions, one by one.First Question: Is there really a 10- to 12-year marriage blah?Yes. And No.Yes, in that after a decade, we all experience "blahs." We get buried in "routine." We get into ruts that turn into double ruts upon triple ruts. Focusing on the "ordinary," we let ordinary become "mundane." The dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming, the homework, the chauffer duty - no one has to tell us how un-glamorous it all feels.Ten to twelve years of self-sacrifice, listening to kids squabble and wiping up messes, can lead to the question, "Is this all there is?" Yes, we love our children.
Yes, we are glad we're mothers.
But, along the way, did I lose myself under that pile of dirty laundry? Then, to make matters worse, into our consciousness pops the pizzazz of movies, television shows, and romance novels with whisk-me-away tales of shopping sprees, high-fashion getaways, and risqué scenarios of infidelity - all wrapped up in enticing ribbons and bows of promise of "newness" and "excitement" and "new love." But don't believe it for one nanosecond. It's all horrible lies. It's poison in a pretty bottle that, in one sip, damages and destroys and devastates. Don't believe the glitzy label hiding the fatal toxin. There's more depth to our marriages than that. And at 10 to 12 years is where we can go deeper.You see, our lives as stay-at-home moms go through "Seasons." And no, seasons are not the same as the "blahs."

Look at it like this: I live in Michigan. And I absolutely love Autumn. I love the colors, the layers upon layers of trees and leaves, the sound of geese flying through from Canada, the toasty bonfires fighting back the crisp air. I can't imagine living anywhere else. But then Autumn is gone, and in steps icy, nasty, frigid Winter. Man-oh-man, I really don't like wintertime in Michigan. I hate being cold. I shiver. I tremble. My teeth clench and my neck stiffens as far into my collar as I can make it go. So why, if I dislike Winter so much, do I stay in Michigan? Because I know it's a Season. And I'm committed to making the most of the Wintertime, so that when Spring and Summer arrive, I'm not only ready. But I've learned not to waste time or feel sorry for myself in Winter. I've decided to make dazzling things happen during Winter, too.

All marriages have Seasons. Both parties grow. We change. And there's no way we're going to grow perfectly together, as in a fairy tale. We have warmer seasons and cooler ones. We have times of seeds waiting under the snow, times of growing, times of flourishing, and times of enjoying the colorful glory. Seasons are normal. As we grow, it takes concerted effort to mesh and meld and become a close family unit through the Seasons. It's hard work.What if my home is "storm after storm"? Or what if our relationship isn't just dormant - what if it's choking-dry desert loneliness? Storm after storm is not normal. Dustbowl-like drought not normal. If you have worsening storms or choking-dry desert loneliness, get help. Walk side by side with another woman or a professional counselor to help calm the storm or water the land.

Marriage and family is about commitment. Our throw-away society doesn't exactly model for us how to work through Seasons. But work is good. Seasons are part of healthy life. It's about giving. It's about serving. And it's also about becoming a better person, individually. So that leads us to our next question…Question 2: "Do we as women really want more for ourselves?"Absolutely yes. As women and moms, we want the best in our lives. Here's the real question to address: How do you define "the best"? How do you define "more for ourselves"? More what? Tell me…What do you have right now?


At three months old, my first child was a terrible sleeper. She got me up every hour and a half. Hearing her cries at 3 AM, I didn't want to get out of bed. Then she had an episode of turning blue. We spend 2 days in the hospital with her little body hooked up to monitors, watching, waiting to see if the shadow of SIDS would threaten her life again.My perspective changed. Somehow, that night in the hospital, the sounds of my daughter's cries at 3 AM became music to my ears, and I couldn't wait to hold her. I realized that I had a precious little girl whose breath could be taken away. I thanked God for the chance to get up with her at night.

Five years ago, I sat with seven children at the dinner table. Inside my head, I complained to myself about the fact that it would take over an hour to get them all in bed. All the stories, the hugs, the kisses, the bathroom trips, the requests for a drink of water. Then I traveled to a Russian orphanage. Dozens of children flocked to my legs, reaching, pulling, crying, "Momma! Momma!" Others sat on the floor, moaning a mournful cry to be held. The sadness in their eyes burned into my soul. Then a gaunt 10 year old girl burst down the hallway, grasped my arm, fell to her knees, and cried out, begging me in what could only have been a plea to take her away from that awful place - to a home with hugs and kisses and bathroom trips and requests for drinks of water.My perspective changed. Somehow, my bedtime routine at home with my children became sweet moments of lingering. As my children grew and went off as young adults, on their own, I realized that those moments at bedtime would soon flit away. I thank God that it takes so long to put kids to bed.

Last June, I lamented on how I often felt tired at the end of the day. Then I found out my friend Fred had cancer. Last week, I watched his 9 year old twins make cards at my kitchen table that said, "I pray every day for you to get better, daddy."My perspective changed. Somehow, the occasional tiredness wasn't a big deal any more. I realized that what I had was a family where everyone was healthy, where we didn't have the threat of death hovering over our home, and where, Lord willing, we have many years together. I think that feeling tired tonight means that I spent my day well.A month ago, I whined at how I couldn't keep up with keeping the house clean. All those dirty finger marks on the wall were driving me crazy. Then last week, my husband called me on the phone from work; he was all choked up. A close business acquaintance's house burned down. The smoke took his son's life.My perspective changed. I can handle dirty finger marks on the walls. I'm thankful I have walls.

What's your perspective? What good do you have right now?Here's another Question:Are we just coasting through this phase in our lives until our children are grown?Heavens, No! Now is the time to grow. Now is the time to feed your soul and mind. There's so much to learn about, so many interests to pursue that work side-by-side with being home with your children.
There is "high honor" in "being home." You - and only you - can give to your children what they need, as mom. You are in a position of ultimate enjoyment, knowing that you are helping to give your child the absolute best he or she needs. You get to nourish the depth of relationship with your children that lasts a whole lifetime. Don't ever, ever think that you're wasting time!
And coasting is definitely not allowed! We are women of inner strength and personal growth - and that happens NOW! We don't need a high-society position to grow into women of beauty and strength. We can be connected in learning, reading, and experiencing life to the fullest. When it comes to personal growth, who says you can't take a class online or at the local university? Who says you can't read the latest books, learn new skills, and become an expert in that thing you've always wanted to become an expert in? Who says you can't draw, paint, or learn an instrument? Who says you can't write a book? Who says you can't tackle a climbing wall, bike a trail, show a dog to a blue ribbon, join a scrapbooking club, or join an indoor women's soccer team for at least a once-a-week game?And what about the ability to visit the children's floor at the hospital, work an hour at the local food pantry, or deliver candy canes and apples to a homeless shelter this Christmas? Talk about the ability to make an impact! As a mom, the possibilities are endless."Coasting" is a state of mind. Change your mind, change your direction, and change your coast to a great ride. You are in a place of honor - with opportunities all around you. Believe it! Change your perspective: Realize the greatness is in you, no matter where you are.